


ALOT OF PICK UP LINES

by random_potato_CARAT



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Other, Pick-Up Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 18:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17027697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_potato_CARAT/pseuds/random_potato_CARAT
Summary: when I say a lot I mean A LOTSOME OF THESE MAY OFFEND YOU, SO PLEASE BE WARNED





	ALOT OF PICK UP LINES

**Author's Note:**

> I collected all these pickup lines in class. feel free to use. 
> 
> also, this is 61 pages long in word enjoy

Pick up lines  
Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.

Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.

Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.

If you were a vegetable you'd be a cute-cumber.

Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.

If I were a cat I'd spend all 9 lives with you.

Do you play soccer? Because you're a keeper!

Are you African? Because you're a frican babe.

Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.

Let me tie your shoes, cause I don't want you falling for anyone else.

Are you an omelette? Because you're making me egg-cited!

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.

Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.

Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.

Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been Rosey. 

I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.

Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me. 

If God made anything more beautiful than you, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.

Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.

Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on.

Are you a fruit, because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?

Do you live in a corn field, cause I'm stalking you.

Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

Excuse me, is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea!

Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.

I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Are you mexican? Because you're my juan and only!

Do you drink Pepsi? Because you're so-da-licious!

Do I know you? Cause you look exactly like my next girlfriend.

I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Is your nickname Chapstick? Because you’re da balm!

I'm not staring at your boobs. I'm staring at your heart.

Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?

Is your daddy a Baker? Because you've got some nice buns! 

Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)

Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by YOU.

I was blinded by your beauty... I'm going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!

Hi, I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you?

Have you been to the doctor lately? Cause I think you're lacking some Vitamin Me.

Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.

You look so familiar... didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.

Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me?

Do you like Nintendo? Because Wii would look good together. 

If you were a flower you'd be a damnnn-delion 

If you were ground coffee, you'd be Espresso cause you're so fine.

Was your dad a boxer? Cause you're a knockout!

You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.

You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

I was wondering if you had an extra heart? Mine seems to have been stolen

Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together.

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

Are you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s'more.

If you were a tropical fruit, you'd be a Fine-apple!

Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling

Are you Netflix? Because I could watch you for hours.

Are you a bank loan? Because you’ve got my interest

Are you Jewish? Cause you ISRAELI HOT.

You may be asked to leave soon, you're making all the other women look bad.

Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind.

Put down that cupcake... you're sweet enough already.

Four plus four equals eight, but you plus me equals fate.

 

Did you just come out of the oven? Because you're hot!

Did you read Dr. Seuss as a kid? Because green eggs and... damn!

Is your dad a drug dealer? Cause you're so Dope!

Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!

Are you Hurricane Katrina? Cause you’re blowing me away.

Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.

If I’m vinegar, then you must be baking soda. Because you make me feel all bubbly inside!

You must be the cure for Alzheimer’s, because you’re unforgettable.

Please call 9-1-1, because you just made my heart stop!

You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast!

Is your name Ariel? Cause we Mermaid for each other!

Charizards are red, Squirtles are blue, if you were a Pokemon, I would choose you!

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?

Could you please step away from the bar? You’re melting all the ice!

Are you from Russia? ‘Cause you’re Russian my heart rate!

I’m in the mood for pizza... a pizza you, that is! 

I was so content with my life and one day I asked God, what could be better than this? And then I met you.

Most guys need 3 meals a day to keep going... I just need eye contact from you.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

There's only one thing I want to change about you, and that's your last name.

I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.

Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb!

I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.

There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!

Do you work at Dick's? Cause you're sporting the goods.

You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!

You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot that you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!

When God made you, he was showing off.

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.

If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

You must be a very important textbook passage, because seeing you is the highlight of my day.

Are you a magician??? Because Abraca-DAYUM!

You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.

Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?

I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

How come you're not on top of a Christmas tree? I thought that's where angels belonged.

Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.

Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.

I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.

Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?

If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!

Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.

 

Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control, because I just saw a fox!

Hershey's makes millions of kisses a day.. .all I'm asking for is one from you.

Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favorite.

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.

Does your father sell diamonds? Because you are FLAWLESS!

I like Legos, you like Legos, why don't we build a relationship?

Baby I might not be Sriracha sauce but, I sure will spice up your life.

People call me John, but you can call me tonight.

Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth!

Life without you would be like a broken pencil... pointless.

If I had a penny for every time I thought of you, I'd have exactly one cent, because you never leave my mind.

Are you a 45 degree angle? Because you’re acute-y!

Is your name Dunkin? Because I Donut want to spend another day without you.

Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!

Call me Shrek because I'm head ogre heels for you!

Do you have advanced radiation poisoning? Because you are glowing!

Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?

If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear you say "happily".

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask you how you looked!

Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

How was heaven when you left it?

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

Hey... somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

I didn't know that angels could fly so low!

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!

Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.

Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.

Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!

Did you die recently? Cause girl, you look like an angel to me.

I could lay next to you forever... or until we decide to go eat.

Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.

Wanna go bowling? I thought it might be right up your alley.

Is your name Dwayne Johnson? Because you Rock my world!

You’re not a vegetarian, are you? Because I’d love to meat you.

You’re so attractive that my phone gets hot just from talking to you.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

 

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

(As she is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? (What?) Me!

Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!

Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.

If I were a transplant surgeon, I'd give you my heart.

Are you Willy Wonka's daughter, 'cuz you look sweet and delicious.

If you were a transformer, you'd be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine.

Do you remember me? [No.] Oh that's right, we've only met in my dreams.

Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.

If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.

My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.

[Point at her butt] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

Are your parents bakers? Cause they sure made you a cutie pie!

Did you go to bed early last night? From the looks of it, you got your beauty sleep.

What's on the menu? Me-n-U

You're like pizza. Even when you are bad, you're good

I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did.

I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.

My friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't... I think you're absolutely gorgeous!

Let's commit the perfect crime: I'll steal your heart, and you'll steal mine.

You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent.

If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard

If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.

You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?

Do you like Mexican food? Cause I want to wrap you in my arms and make you my BAE-RITTO.

You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

Blue eyes, red lips, pale face. So pretty. You look like the flag of France.

Even though there aren't any stars out tonight, you're still shining like one.

If you were a potato you'd be a sweet one.

Please call an ambulance, your beauty is killing me.

Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I'd die.

Are you a hipster, because you make my hips stir.

Are you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect

I wish I was cross eyed, so I could see you twice.

Are you on Nickelodeon? Cause you're a-Dora-ble!

I don't know if you're beautiful, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.

You don't need keys to drive me crazy.

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, I’m brave enough to ask you out!

Is Your Dad A Preacher? Cause Girl You’re A Blessing.

Are you a vampire? Cause you looked a little thirsty when you looked at me.

 

Can I hit you in the face... with my lips?

You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.

When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsil hockey.

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.

Can you take me to the doctor? Because I just broke my leg falling for you.

You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart

I need a dollar, but I only have 90 cents... do you want to be my dime?

[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"

Be unique and different, say yes.

Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.

You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.

My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?

They say dating is a numbers game... so can I get your number?

You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

(Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.

Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.

If I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!

Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!

I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!

You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.

You must be a high test score, because I want to take you home and show you to my mother.

I’m learning about important dates in history class. Wanna be one of them?

I hear they banned you from school lunches for being so sweet.

I need some answers for my math homework. Quick. What’s your number?

Are you a Snickers bar? Cause you satisfy me.

Is your last name Campbell? Cause you're "mmmm... good!"

You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.

Is there a rainbow today? Because I just found the treasure I've been searching for!

You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!

Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?

Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle

Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.

If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?

How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).

Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.

Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?

When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.

Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.

You’re so cute it’s distracting!

Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?

(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?

This time next year let’s be laughing together.

Is your last name Whitman, because I want to sample you.

On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9. I'm the 1 you need.

Hey baby, I must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!

Are you a beaver? Cause daaaaam!

I hope your day has been as beautiful as you are.

Is your father Little Caesar? Cause you look Hot 'n Ready.

If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.

I could use some spare change and you're a dime.

I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, Give me yours and watch what I can do with it.

Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?

Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.

Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.

Is your father a mechanic? Because you’ve got a finely tuned body!

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!

I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

I sneezed because God blessed me with you.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

I may not be a genie, but I can make all your wishes come true!

Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!

I blame you for global warming... your hotness is too much for the planet to handle!

You are the reason men fall in love.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!

You better call Life Alert, 'cause I've fallen for you and I can't get up.

You're single. I'm single. Coincidence? I think not.

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

You should be someone's wife.

Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

I know where they give out free drinks... it’s a place called “My House”!

I can't think of anyone else I’d rather survive a Zombie Apocalypse with.

Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!

Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.

Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.

Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.

Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!

Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.

You're hotter than Papa Bear's porridge.

I hope there's a fire truck nearby, cause you're smokin'!

If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.

How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.

Tonight this Han doesn’t want to fly Solo.

I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.

(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!

You are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

You’re my favorite weakness.

You're so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.

I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".

Hey baby, you've got something on your butt - my eyes!

This isn't a beer belly, It's a fuel tank for a love machine.

Baby you make palms sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti.

If I was an octopus, all my 3 hearts would beat for you.

Guess what I’m wearing? The smile you gave me!

I don't know you, but I think I love you already.

Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.

If we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)

Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...

Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!

See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.

You're hotter than donut grease.

Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?

If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be McGorgeous.

Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.

I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.

Are you the moon? Because even when it's dark, you still seem to shine.

Roses are red, my face is too, that only happens when I’m around you.

Roses are red, I have a crush, whenever I’m around you, all I do is blush.

I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.

How much does it cost to date you? Cause damn, you look expensive!

If you were a steak you would be well done.

It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.

Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.

Do you have any raisins? [No] How about a date?

Are you a kidnapper? Because you just abducted my heart.

Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!

Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.

On The Phone  
She/He says: "Hold on"  
You Say: "Sorry, I can't hold on... I've already fallen for you."

Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!

Are you a microwave oven? Cause you melt my heart.

Did you get your license suspended for driving so many guys crazy?

Are you a girl scout, cause you tie my heart in knots.

You're so hot, I could bake cookies on you.

You look beautiful today, just like every other day.

Let's play Winnie the Pooh and get my nose stuck in your honey jar.

When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.

Is your car battery dead? Because I'd like to jump you.

I'm lost. Can you tell me which road leads to your heart?

Where do you hide your wings?

Is your name Mickey? Because you’re so FINE!

Are you made of grapes? Cause you’re fine as wine.

For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

Forget about Spiderman, Superman, and Batman. I'll be your man.

The re isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.

Girl, you’re like Mastercard - absolutely priceless.

Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.

You're the only girl I love now... but in ten years, I'll love another girl. She'll call you 'Mommy.'

My doctor says I'm lacking Vitamin U.

I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.

Hey, don't frown. You never know who could be falling in love with your smile.

Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.

Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.

I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I wouldn't forget a pretty face like that.

Your body is 65% water and I'm thirsty.

There are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Apparently, none of them have ever been in your arms. 

Does your left eye hurt? Because you've been looking right all day.

My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?

Do you have a name or can I just call you mine? 

With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth! 

I will stop loving you when an apple grows from a mango tree on the 30th of February.

If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

Let's make like the Olympic rings and hook up later. 

Your body is a wonderland, and I'd like to be Alice. 

It's a good thing I wore gloves today. Otherwise you'd be too hot to handle.

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

"You don't know how many times I had to swipe left to find you!" 

"Hey, we're a match! Does this mean we're dating now? Give me a second, I need to change my Facebook relationship status." 

"Hey gorgeous, will you be my Tinderella?" 

"I've had a crush on you for 2 hours." 

"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, We're a match on Tinder, So I think we should screw." 

"Do you believe in love at first swipe?" 

"How many times have you pictured me naked since we matched?"

"69 miles away, huh? Well that's ironic..."

"You must be a small amount of red phosphorus and I must be a tiny wooden stick… Because we're a match." 

"My parents are so excited, they can't wait to meet you!" 

"Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?" 

"They say Tinder is a numbers game... so can I get your number?" 

"Are you my appendix? Because this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out." 

"Do you have a job? I need a woman who can support me while I play video games all day." 

"Did you know you're the hottest (insert generic name here- Jessica, Stacy, Mike, etc) on Tinder?" 

"We're a match! The next step is to pick a wedding date, right?" 

"Is your personality as angelic as your hair?" 

"I usually go for 8's but I guess I'll settle for a 10." 

"Does this mean I won't be a virgin by the end of the week?"

"I hope you know that I am 100% committed to this tinder relationship"

"You've got the best smile on tinder. I bet you use Crest."

"I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same." 

"Do you ever just lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed up things in the world? Like why is there a 'D' in 'fridge' but no 'D' in 'refrigerator'?" 

"Sorry, the position for Spanish teacher has been filled. What I'm looking for at the moment is a bedroom acrobatic teacher." 

"Maybe you can help me. I forgot the password to my account, and when I hit 'password hint,' it keeps telling me 'Jessica’s phone number.'" 

"Do you have a personality as attractive as your eyes?" 

"I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" 

"If I were an NES cartridge would you blow me?" 

"Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because you’re causing a political uprising in my pants" 

"Do you work at build-a-bear? Because I’d stuff you." 

"If you were a vegetable you'd be a cute-cumber." 

"You're so gorgeous that you made me forget my good pickup line."

 

"Are you the SAT? Cause I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a ten minute break in the middle for snacks." 

"What’s a smart, attractive, young man like myself doing without your number?"

"Want to come over to my place and watch porn on my flat screen mirror?"

"Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard."

"Judging by your hair, you seem like a girl who likes to do anal." 

"Do you like Nintendo? Cause Wii would look good together." 

"Sit on my face and I’ll eat my way to your heart." 

"You’re the type of girl I’d let sit on my face for a long period of time." 

"What are the chances I see you naked tonight?" 

"If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seeds?" 

"On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?" 

"You’re coming over tonight to watch Game of Thrones and make out." 

"YOU. NUMBER. NOW." 

"Before I hit on you, do you have a problem with large genitalia?" 

"Did you grow up on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock. " 

"I could’ve called heaven and asked for an angel, but I was hoping you’re a slut instead." 

"You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again." 

"Be unique and different, say yes." 

"I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!" 

"You’re not a vegan, are you? Because I’d love to meat you." 

"No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes." 

"Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!" 

"If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you." 

"Are you African? Because you're a frican babe." 

"Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass." 

"Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust." 

"Are you from China? Cause I'm China get in your pants." 

"Are you Jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth." 

"That's a nice shirt. Can I try it on after we have sex?" 

"I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you." 

"Is your name Daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!" 

"Do you like Mexican food? Cause I want to wrap you in my arms and make you my BAE-RITTO." 

"Are you made out of grapes? Because you are fine as wine!" 

"If you were a flower you’d be a damnnn-delion" 

"Blue eyes, red lips, pale face. So pretty. You look like the flag of France." 

"My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?" 

"Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I’ve been searching for!" 

"I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?" 

"If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them." 

"If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?" 

"If beauty were time, you'd be eternity" 

"Is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea!" 

"Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you."

I'm no Thomas Paine, but you and I are Common Sense. 

Want to reenact the Battle of the Bulge?

Do you want to help me with my project on the tit- I'm mean, TET Offensive?

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore... my face should be among them! 

There's a reason they say I started the Era of Good Feelings.

Want to play War of 1812? I'll light your White House on fire.

I'll be your Secretary of the Interior.

I bet if Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the Non-Intercourse Act. 

Are you from Medieval Times? Cause you Sir Gagsalot 

Call me Paul Revere, because I would like to give you a midnight ride.

Want to go back to my place and discuss Big Stick Diplomacy?

I have sex like I fight a war; I got no exit strategies. 

Is your name Maya, cause I'd like to sacrifice you to the gods. 

The Great Pyramid, the Sahara, the Nile, me... get the picture?

Are you an early hominid? Because I've got a Homo Erectus right now.  
I want to stuff you like a Tofurkey. 

I'll eat your peach if you try my zucchini. 

You’re a vegan? Let me toss a salad for you. 

You’re a hot chick... pea eater. 

Hey baby, can I milk your soybeans? 

Baby, you marinate my tempeh. 

If you’re not getting enough protein, I can certainly help. 

Can I tell you a pick up line? I promise it won’t be cheesy 

I’m willing to give up meat — but I’d never give up you. 

Yours is the only meat I will ever put in my body. 

I wanna paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado. 

Would you like some organic roasted root vegetables to go with that non-dairy fair trade shake? 

I bet you could really go for a hot veggie dog right about now. 

I am sure we could both reach the big O in no time. Organic that is. 

My heart is certified cage-free, so my love can roam to you. 

Even though I'm a vegetarian, I still need my daily dose of meat and protein.

I bought some new hemp sheets, wanna try them out? 

If I give you my number will you promise to kale me? 

You may be vegan, but I know you want my meat. 

Can I cover you in agave nectar? 

May I take your picture? It’s for the World’s Sexiest Vegan competition. 

Wanna come up and see my Vitamix?  
You must be one spicy dish because you’re making my heart burn. 

Do you have any Sriracha sauce? Cause you fire me up! 

I wish I had some butter for them biscuits. 

You’re so cute I could bottle you up in a mason jar. 

You’re as complete as quinoa. 

You remind me of cheese... I want you on everything!

Were you born in a farm? You look a-maize-ing. 

Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a Fineapple. 

Do you sell hot dogs? Because you sure know how to make a wiener stand. 

Do you work at Little Caesars? Because you’re Hot And I'm Ready. 

Your cupcakes make my soufflés rise. 

I might not be a Doritos Locos Taco, but I sure will spice up your life. 

You’re looking so sweet, you’ve got my eyes glazed over like doughnuts.

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a CUTE-cumber.

 

I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking? 

Anyone can sit here and buy you drinks. I want to buy you dinner! 

Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious 

Can you put some hot sauce on my enchilada, I need some spice in my life 

Life would be feta if we were togetha. 

Are you a fruit? Cause honeydew you know how fine you look right now? 

Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I want to stuff your crust. 

Do you live in a corn field? Cause I'm stalking you! 

How about I dip my Wild Wings in your Buffalo sauce? 

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free. 

You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly. 

I'll be the Burger King, and you'll be the Dairy Queen... You treat me right, and I'll do it your way. 

Did you just come from KFC, cause your thighs and breasts just gave me a drumstick. 

You're like my favorite candy bar, half sweet, half nuts. 

 

Baby if you were a burger at McDonalds you would be a McGorgeous. 

Let me be a chicken nugget and take a dip in your sauce. 

Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u 

Omelette you in on a secret. You and I would brie perfectly gouda. 

Can I double stuff your Oreo? 

I do not fancy wines, I prefer moans. 

I like my women like I like my doughnuts - HOT and HOLY! 

Do you like Alphabet soup? Cause you gonna be choking on the D 

I like my women like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers. 

Do you like Krispy Kreme? Cause I wanna glaze your donut. 

Do you like hot dogs girl? Cause I'd like to put my weiner between those buns 

I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day. 

You must work at subway, because you’re giving me a foot long.

Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte. 

Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious 

Do you work at Little Caesars? Because you’re Hot And I'm Ready.

Do you work at Subway? Because you’re giving me a footlong. 

Do you work at Home Depot? Because you’re giving me wood.

If you were a burger at McDonalds you’d be a McGorgeous

Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust. 

Do you work at Dicks’? Because you’re sporting the goods! 

Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. 

Did you get sacrificed to the God of Fire? Because you're smoking! 

Do you work at Burger King? Because you’re giving it to me the way I like it! 

Do you like Kelloggs? Wanna frost my flakes? 

Can I double stuff your Oreo? 

Did you just come from KFC, cause your thighs and breasts just gave me a drumstick. 

You remind me of a green bottle. Because I wanna Mount and Do you!

I like Legos, you like Legos, why don't we build a relationship? 

Have you been eating Cocoa Puffs? Because I'm going cookoo for you

How about I dip my Wild Wings in your Buffalo sauce? 

I don't need Apple Maps to get lost in your eyes. 

I want you more than a Haagen-Daas on a hot summer day. 

Are you thirsty? Cause I can give you the Sunny-D

I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!

I spilled skittles down my pants. Do you want to taste the rainbow?

I'll be the Burger King, and you'll be the Dairy Queen... You treat me right, and I'll do it your way. 

Take me to Papa John's, because this love is at 425 degrees. 

Are you a bottle of Coke? Because you open my happiness. 

My name is Hostess... Because I have the cream filling 

Are you McDonalds? 'Cause you're going straight to my thighs. 

Let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle. 

I may be hung like a tic-tac, but I'll leave your breath minty fresh! 

 

Girl are you my new iPhone? Cause I can't stop staring at you in public. 

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package! 

My dong is a rental car company - it Hertz!

Girl, I'm an American Express lover - you shouldn't go home without me! 

I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade! 

Baby, you got more legs than a bucket of KFC! 

Girl, you’re like Mastercard - seeing you is priceless 

Call me Mountain Dew, 'cause when we hang we'll have a Baja Blast! 

What's the difference between a boner and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini right now 

You must've been made by Intel to be that hot! 

Do you have a Bandaid? Cause I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Do you like Wendy’s? Well I'm sure you'll like it Wendy’s nuts slide across your face. 

Why pay $5 at Subway, when you can't get this footling for free.

Do you have a Diamond Pickaxe? Because I'm as hard as Obsidian. 

You must be made of bonemeal, cause you make me grow 10 feet tall. 

I'd like to fertilize your crops with my bonemeal. 

Are you a slimeball? Cause you make my piston sticky If you were ore, I'd mine you all night long! 

You must be ice, because I've been waiting to pick you up for a long time. 

You must be a redstone torch, because you're extending my piston! 

Are you a lever? Because you turn me on. 

You must be from nether, because you are out of this world. 

Are you a torch? Because you light up my world. 

You must be a pressure plate, because you turn me on. 

Are you a pig? Because I wanna ride you. 

Is that a creeper in your pants or are you just happy to see me? 

I'm like a zombie and you're like the sun - you light me on fire! 

I must be gravel, because I'm falling for you.

It would take me much more than 140 characters to fully express how beautiful you are. 

If you were a tweet, I'd favorite you, but I wouldn't retweet you. I don't want to share you with anyone else. 

If you were a tweet, you'd be my only favorite. 

Babe in my mind, you're always trending. 

I usually don't follow someone on the first night, but for you I'll make an exception. 

Every breath you take... every tweet you make... I'll be following you. 

A tweet from you is like a song from heaven! 

If you go out with me, I promise I'll #FF FollowFriday you every day of the week! 

Follow me so I can DM you "tweet" dreams. 

I never need to see the sun again, because your tweets light up my world! 

Twitter needs a fire department, because you're smokin'! 

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your tweets! 

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl on Twitter? 

You must be in a wrong place... the Miss Twitterverse contest is over there.

Do you believe in love at first tweet? Or should I tweet you again? 

You've got me feeling twitterpated! 

Girl you're so fine, I bet you have more followers than Kim Kardashian. 

I may not be a genie, but I can make your tweets come true! 

I could read your random thoughts all night long. 

Hey, I just followed you... and this is crazy... but follow me back... so I can DM you baby! 

I heard you were taking apps for a new tweetheart... I'm here to apply!

By you, like your shade, I’ll ever dwell

Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! Im merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!

My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent.

I noticed you hitting it off with that fair youth. Care to make it a three-way? 

I will repay your love with usury

I’ll bathe my lips in rosy dews of kisses

If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?

Hey Baby, can Ophelia up?

Let me seal my vowed faith on your lips.

I have no faculty which is not yours.

The fault is not in our stars but in your eyes. I mean, the stars are in your eyes... or something.

Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? 

You. Me. Dance floor. Now. Don't give me no ado about nothing. 

Your title far exceeds my worth

Your words are Delphian oracles 

Your words have charmed my soul

If I said you were the most beautified, would you say that beautified was a vile phrase?

You look like an angel. Or at least a minister of grace. 

There’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so – and I’m thinking you look good.

You guild my praises far above my deserts

Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives... Because he never met you. 

For you I would slay two Goliaths. 

You float my ark. 

Is it hot in here or is that just the Holy Spirit burning inside of you? 

So last night I was reading in the book of Numbers, and I realized... I don't have yours! 

I didnt believe in predestination until tonight. 

The word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'... how about dinner? 

I know its absurd, but every time I walk towards you, it feels like I'm being lead to Bethlehem. 

My spiritual gift is my good looks... it lifts peoples spirits 

You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you. 

I would part the red sea for you. 

You are perfect, except with all the sin. 

I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was mission you. 

Is this the transfiguration? Because you are glowing.

I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation.

Bathsheba had nothing on you. 

Mark Driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory. 

Bible-Gateway happens to be my homepage. 

Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead. 

How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me? 

How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life? 

If you say no, I will rip out my hair and my beard. 

Unfortunately I cant perform miracles and I've only got enough bread and fish for 2 people. 

It's obvious to me that you sprouted from the good kinda soil. 

I believe one of my ribs belongs to you. 

I just don't feel called to celibacy. 

I'm a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a proverbs 31 kinda woman... 

If we were around with Noah... then you, me... pair.

Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do. 

I'm pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days. 

Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix. 

When I read philippians 4:8, I think about you. 

I put the "stud" in bible study. 

I didn't know angels flew this low. 

I'm no Joseph... perhaps you can help me interpreting the dreams I've been having about you? 

Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 

Is your name Faith? Cause you're the substance of things I've hoped for. 

Want to practice speaking in tongues with me? 

Here's my number... Call me if you need prayer. 

What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list? 

I'm usually not very prophetic, but I can see us together. 

I would leave 99 sheep to come and find you... and then I would carry you home joyfully on my shoulder 

Look, you're nearly 22. Most christians are 3 years into marriage by now... just settle for me. 

You make me want to be a better Christian. 

You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo. 

Do you need prayer? because I am certainly willing to lay hands on you.

Are you Australian? Cause you meet all my koala-fications! 

Can I give you an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss, but Down Under!

Can I didgeridoo you? 

Let’s spend some koala-ty time each other.

I put the ‘laid’ in Adelaide.

I wanna get lost in your Outback.

I’ll eat you like a dingo eats a baby.

I’ll show you why Australia started out as a penal colony!

I’m like a boomerang. I just keep coming back to you.

Wanna blow my didgeridoo?

I bet you sound like a Tasmanian Devil in bed.

Let’s pretend you’re a croc so we can wrestle!

Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!

Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I want to stuff your crust. 

You’re like a pizza, Even when you are bad, you’re good. 

Just like this pizza, my tongue will also go straight to your thighs. 

I’m available with or without sausage. 

Are you the pizza man? Because you sure can deliver. 

Hey babe, how about a pizza and some sex? (No!) Why not? You don’t like pizza? 

I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free. 

If you were a pizza and I were cheese, I’d melt over you. 

Are you craving some Pizza? Because I’ll gladly give you a pizz-a this dick!

You’re the only topping I need on my pizza. 

Will you be the extra cheese to my pizza? 

I know this is cheesy, but I think you’re SAUCY! 

I can't find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend? 

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off? 

You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. 

You're the most boo-tiful ghost I've seen all night! 

You look so good, you're making my man-bits rise from the dead. 

Do you like trick-or-treating? Cause I'll give you this Hallow-weiner. 

You must be tired, because you've been running through my nightmares all night! 

I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number. 

Hey pumpkin, I bet I can put a smile on your face! 

That's a nice Witch costume, but you won't be needing the broom anymore, because you've already swept me off my feet. 

Wanna find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of my Tootsie Pop? 

You are dead sexy. Literally. 

Halloween is the night of darkness. But you are brighter than an angel.

I wanna bob for your apples. 

You're the only treat I want in my sack this Halloween. 

I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!

Why don't we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern? 

I'm no vampire but I'm fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.

Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you're giving me wood. 

Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me "PumpkinHead"? 

Are you dressed up as Beyonce? Cause you look "Boo-ti-licious" 

I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots... 

Nice pumpkins! And I like your boobs, too. 

I would totally carve your pumpkin. 

If I were a zombie, I'd eat you first. 

Why'd you dress up as a princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as "the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party"? 

That skeleton over there said he'd get your number for me, but he didn't have the guts, so here I am. 

When I saw you walk in, I got so hot, my skin melted. Literally. Around here, it's an "in" look. 

I want to put my Tootsie Roll in your basket. 

Don't worry, those warts on my face aren't anywhere else! 

Hello there, boo-tiful! 

Please come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight! 

You look so good, you're making my man-bits rise from the dead. 

I want a taste of your Milky Way. 

Is that candy in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 

Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you? 

If you think I'm hot now, wait until you see what I turn into at midnight. 

Hey baby, you've captured my eye. Could I have it back? It's the only one I've got, to fall in love with you at first sight. 

Mmm baby! You're decomposing in ALL the right places!

 

Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams. 

Baby, I'm a necrophiliac. How good are you at playing dead?

Trick or treat at my place and I guarantee you'll get a full-size Snickers bar! 

Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo? 

My real costume is at home in a box under my bed. 

I'm dressed up as a fake werewolf right now, but I become a real beast in the bedroom. 

You wanna take a ride on my broomstick? 

If you were a jack-o'-lantern, I'd totally light your candle. 

There’s no trick in these pants, only a treat.

What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?

Hey, Are you made of candy? Because you look so sweet! 

Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves. 

I've got some wicked feelings brewing for you.

I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride? 

You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns. 

Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

My name isn't Casper, but you could be my Boo.

 

That pirate outfit looks really hot on you. Wanna search me for buried treasure?

Your costume looks great now, but it would look even better on my bedroom floor.

Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth? 

That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too. 

I hear this house is haunted, we’d better stick together.

I heard there is a vampire on the loose you better stay with me tonight.

Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do for you!

I don’t know what the trick is, but you certainly are a treat.

Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

I will give you my heart and this other guy's heart. 

I will make you scream.

You must love Halloween! You don’t need to buy a costume to look like an angel.

You want me to prove that I'm not a zombie? Well, your brain is pretty much the only part of you I'm not interested in.

You’re giving me shivers... and not because of that costume.

I’ve got a rubber mask and you’ve got the candy - let’s go trick or treating.

Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?

Hey Cinderella, it’s about time I took you home. It’s nearly midnight! 

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself! 

Do you have a little zombie in you? Would you like to?

Arrrr, call me a pirate and give me that booty!

(Zombie Costume) Hey there, have heard that rigor mortisis the new Viagra?

(Vampire Costume) If you play your cards right, you might be the one who sucks tonight.

(Ghost Costume) Want to be part of my costume? I’ll let you under my sheets.

(Witch Costume) I like your warts, want to see a few of mine?

(Hulk Costume) Wanna see my mini hulk?

(Greek Costume) Wanna see my Trojan Horse?

(Dog Costume) Would it offend you if I humped your leg?

(Pirate Costume) That is quite a booty you’ve got there.

(Black Cat Costume) That’s a nice pussy, the costume is pretty good too!

(Hotdog Costume) That’s a nice set of buns you got there, mind if I stick my foot-long there?

(Hobo Costume) Hey there, ever done it in a cardboard box? 

(Angel Costume) Hello, I am the answer to your prayers.

(Police Costume) Good thing I’m here, it has to be illegal to look that good.

(UPS Delivery Costume) Excuse me, Miss, could you sign for this package?

Baby, I'll make you see stars and stripes! 

You remind me of the constitution, because you look like a national treasure 

You read, white, and blew my mind. 

My flag will never fly at half mast as long you're around. 

You be Yankee Doodle, I'll be the pony. 

I'll have you exercising your right to free speech all night long. 

Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly…outside your bedroom window. 

Oh say can you see... me in your bed tonight. 

You have the right to bear me in your arms. 

The 15th Amendment gives the right to vote to anyone with a penis…I'll loan you mine. 

Because of my rights related to eminent domain, you have to compensate me for stealing my heart. 

I believe all lady parts deserve equal representation. 

I'll put my John Hancock on your bar tab if you hang out with me for a while. 

Are you a British Loyalist? Because you're making me rethink this whole "independence" thing. 

I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you? 

I'm arresting you for breaking the 8th amendment because you...are excessively fine! 

I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you. 

I'm like fireworks: smokin', fun, and illegal in many states. Also, there are some really creepy billboards about me on the interstate. 

You can be my mate but we won't be doing any running. 

You can pay the poll tax personally with me. 

I will go full-term in your oval office. 

The inauguration of the new president may come quickly but I won't! 

The government gives you the right to bare your arms but I give you the right to bare everything else.

You don't have to wait for succession, you're first in line for me. 

"The pursuit of happiness" means it's cool to hit on you, right? 

18 year olds can exercise their rights in government and on me! 

Whooo! Party like it's 1776! 

If you ask me if I love you I'll have to plead the 5th. Don't want to incriminate myself. 

Baby I can last for waaayy more than 2 terms. 

Thomas Jefferson would have wanted this. 

They can prohibit my alcohol, you intoxicate me enough.

I wish I were the Speaker of the House and you the President Pro Temp of the Senate so I could be above you in the “order of succession.” 

I'd start a revolution for your number. 

Wanna role play? I'll be John Adams and you can be Abigail. They wrote very steamy love letters, you know. 

I'll do your process. 

We'll have a balance on powers. You can be on top. 

There's too much power in my pants that needs to be balanced. Will you help me release it? 

They call my bedroom the 14th colony. 

Baby, you're a firework. 

You're by far the prettiest girl here. The 'Liberty bell' of the ball. 

You have the right to protest but I don't think you'll want to. 

You forgot to pay your income tax so I'm coming to seize your ASSets. 

Let's be like the original thirteen colonies AND MULTIPLY. 

Is that a banana in your pocket, or you just... carrying a musket because of the Quartering Act. 

Anything you say can and will be used against you… so say my name baby! 

If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged. 

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of my bed. 

Stop! Don't you know it is illegal to look that fine? 

Do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven? 

Spread em’!! 

I have a great idea for those handcuffs. 

Bullproof vest? Nah, it's all muscle. 

Ever seen a baton this big? 

I’d love you to frisk me. 

I'm ready to enforce the law of attraction. 

I'm writing you a ticket - you’ve got ”fine" written all over you. 

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Let's go to my place for some under-cover work. 

My cuffs or your cuffs tonight?

Nice uniform, it would look great at the foot of my bed. 

I hear cops like a big bust. 

Want to plant something on me? 

Want to play good cop bad cop? 

You have the right to remain silent, but I doubt you will. 

What else do you do with that night stick? 

I always turn on my siren when I spot a siren. 

Did I tell you that I live next door to Dunkin Donuts? 

Step out of the vehicle. Walk a straight line into my life. 

Stick with me and those lights won’t be the only thing flashing. 

I'm not here to bust you... I'm here for your bust.

 

Girl, you're so fine you could make an impression on Monet.

Are you a Shepard Fairey poster? Because I can’t believe you don’t already belong to someone else.

At first I thought I was looking at a Monet, but you’re so much more beautiful up close.

Are you into monochrome? Because I’d love to use my charcoal to color us black and white. 

Are you a medium? Because I'd like to paint you on carpet.

Are you an antiques collector? Because I have some junk that hasn't been touched in years. 

Aren’t you the model from my figure drawing class? 

Have you ever posed nude?

Call the Art Loss Register, because you just stole my heart. 

If I told you I like your body of work, would you hold it against me?

Is your dad an art thief? Because you are a masterpiece.

Vincent Van Gogh out with me

You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you. 

If I were an art critic, I'd give you a ravishing review.

Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day! 

Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here. 

Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes. 

Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I please borrow yours? 

I lost my virginity... can I have yours? 

Theres a party in my pants and you’re invited.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 

Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

My body is telling me yes. I hope yours is doing the same thing. 

Hey, I lost my underwear, can I see yours? 

There must be a magnet in my pants, because I'm attracted to your buns of steel!

I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?

Hey, why go for the best when you can go for the rest? 

If I flip a coin what are my chances of getting head? 

Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! 

I just shit in my pants... Can I get in yours? 

Let’s face it. I’m hot, you’re hot and we both know you got a crush on me.

Be unique and different, just say yes. 

Girl, I hope you have a license, cause you’re driving me crazy 

I'm gay but you might just turn me straight. 

You must be from Tennessee! Because you’re the only TEN I see! 

Is that a tic-tac in your blouse or are you just glad to see me? 

Hey, somebody farted. Lets get out of here! 

You've got the whitest teeth I have ever seen! 

Are you Swedish? Because you're the sweetish girl I've met! 

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you. 

Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world! 

If beauty were measured in seconds, you'd be an hour! 

Hey honey, I got money! 

My name is Peter Pan, because I can take you to Never Never Land. 

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room? 

You look like trash, may I take you out? 

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you obviously landed on your face. 

You smell... We should go take a shower together. 

I’m willing to lower my standards if you’re going on a date with me. 

You look fabulous... for your age. 

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

You owe me a drink, you’re so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you. 

You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are? 

What’s a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this? 

Are your parents retarded, ’cause you sure are special.

If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I’d consider sleeping with you.

I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?

How much will $20 get me?

Your eyes are as blue as the sea I dumped my ex’s body in.

Excuse me, is that semen in your hair? 

Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up! 

Are you French because Eiffel for you.  
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants!  
Are you religious? Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.  
Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.  
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.  
What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.  
Somebody call the cops, because it’s got to be illegal to look that good!  
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.  
I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?  
If you were a steak you would be well done.  
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.  
Are you cake? Cause I want a piece of that.  
My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can't hold it in.  
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.  
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.  
If you were a library book, I would check you out.  
Are you a cat because I'm feline a connection between us  
If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?  
If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?  
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?  
I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.  
You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent.  
My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?  
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?  
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see!  
Are you a beaver? Cause daaaaaaaaam!  
Life without you is like a broken pencil... pointless.  
Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)  
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!  
Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.  
Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?  
I wish I were cross-eyed so I can see you twice  
We're not socks. But I think we'd make a great pair.  
Your lips look so lonely…Would they like to meet mine?  
Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.  
Thank god I'm wearing gloves because you are too hot to handle.  
If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.  
I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.  
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?  
Pinch me, you’re so fine I must be dreaming.  
If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.  
How much does a polar beat weight? Enough to break the ice!  
Are you a 90 degree angle? Cause you are looking right!  
Nice to meet you, I’m (your name) and you are... gorgeous!  
If I were a transplant surgeon, I’d give you my heart.  
Are you Israeli? Cause you Israeli hot.  
On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9... And I'm the 1 you need.  
Did it hurt? When you fell out of heaven?  
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.  
Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams.  
Is your name Google? Because you've got everything I'm searching for.  
Your hand looks heavy. Here, let me hold it for you.  
I’ve been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look.  
Are you from Starbucks because I like you a latte.  
Are you a banana because I find you a peeling.  
Do you like vegetables because I love you from my head tomatoes.  
Have you been to the doctor's lately? Cause I think you're lacking some vitamin me.  
Do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydro power? Because dammmm.  
Do you like science because I've got my ion you.  
Are you my appendix? Because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.  
Do you like sales? Because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place.  
I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I think you're the gratest.  
If you were a triangle you'd be acute one.  
Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.  
My feet are getting cold… because you’ve knocked my socks off.  
Wow, when god made you he was showing off.  
If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.  
Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.  
If looks could kill, you'd be a weapon of mass destruction.  
Do you have a tan, or do you always look this hot?  
Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.  
If I were a cat I'd spend all 9 lives with you.  
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.  
Are you from Japan cause I'm trying to get in Japanties.  
If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.  
I'll give you a kiss. If you don't like it, you can return it.  
Did you swallow magnets? Cause you're attractive.  
Are you from China? Because I'm China get your number.  
Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?  
Are you craving Pizza? Because I’d love to get a pizz-a you  
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together.  
Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?  
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?  
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.  
You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart  
Can you pinch me, because you're so fine I must be dreaming.  
I may not be a genie, but I can make all your wishes come true!  
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.  
I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.  
If I followed you home, would you keep me?  
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.  
Are you a keyboard ? Because you are my type.  
There is something wrong with my phone. Could you call it for me to see if it rings?  
I've seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?  
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together  
Did you hear of the new disease called beautiful, I think you're infected.  
I thought Happiness starts with H. But why does mine starts with U.  
If you were a vegetable you'd be a cutecumber.  
You know what you would really look beautiful in? My arms.  
My mom thinks I'm gay, can you help me prove her wrong?  
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.  
Is it hot in here or is it just you?  
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?  
Feel my t-shirt, it’s made of boyfriend material.  
You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.  
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.  
You're like a dictionary... you add meaning to my life.  
My doctor says I'm lacking vitamin U.  
Did your licence get suspended for driving all these guys crazy?  
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?  
When a penguin finds a mate they stay with them for the rest of their life. Will you be my penguin?  
Can I take a picture of you so santa knows what I want for christmas?  
I'm new in town, could you give me directions to your apartment?  
I'll cook you dinner, if you cook me breakfast  
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in the room?  
Good thing I just bought term life insurance … because I saw you and my heart stopped!  
If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you, I’d be in a higher tax bracket.  
Hey, my name’s Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?  
Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?  
You’re so sweet, you’re giving me a toothache.


End file.
